Musings In the DarkReworked
by Yunami The Dragon
Summary: Ukyo's thoughts after the end of the manga. A reworked version of the original...You can, as always, e-mail me for the (incredibly short) first version. Enjoy.


The world is ending. At least, that's the way it feels right now. Ranma will never be anything more than a friend to me. If even that. For all I know, he won't even want to see me anymore. I'll be lucky if Akane even acknowledges my existence. The things I've done to her in the past—to both of them, really—are inexcusable. I plead two years of insanity, your honor.  
  
Insane certainly describes the quality of life in Nerima. Poor Ranchan...More often than not, all the chaos was blamed on him. Even when it was obviously someone else's fault, he was the one who got punished for it. Ryouga or Mousse or Kuno would attack him; Mr. Tendo would do that Demon Head thing, or cry all over him; Ms. Hinako would drain him; Happosai would grope him or beat on him; or else one of us girls would beat on him for "cheating" on her. Even I, Ukyou the sweet one, Ucchan, the "cute fiancée" would hit him without a second thought.  
  
Truthfully, I'm surprised he put up with as much as he did. I always thought that there was no way he could ever love Akane because she was always hitting him or calling him a pervert. But now that I think of it, she was also the only one of us who was ever nice to him without having some kind of hidden agenda. The only girl who got to really know him and know his fears and weaknesses, as well as what's great about him. The only one who didn't treat him like a prize to be claimed, or a pawn in some bizarre game of power and status. I think she's the only one who genuinely loved him. Or at least, the one who loved him first.  
  
Ranchan was like a magnet. He was the one who bound us all together, held us in Nerima. He was how we all met. He's the one our lives centered around, for one reason or another.  
  
And none of us really hated him. Ryouga and Mousse were jealous and frustrated. Ranma was just an easy target to lash out at.  
  
Couldn't find the dueling lot? It's easier to say that Ranma ran out on you, right Ryouga? That way, your pride remains intact.  
  
Girl you love won't give you the time of day? All you have to do is say that Saotome stole her affections, eh Mousse? That way you don't have to admit to yourself that she just isn't interested.  
  
I don't know what Kuno's problem is. Maybe he refuses to acknowledge that he might, possibly, be infatuated with a man. Or maybe he's just too stupid to see what's right under his nose.  
  
Shampoo is bound by the constraints of her culture and her village's laws to marry the man who defeats her in combat. I suppose it's the Amazons' way of bringing in fresh blood, so they don't die out from too much interbreeding. In such a warlike society, it's to their benefit to ensure strong offspring who can serve the tribe. Or maybe they really do regard men as nothing but cattle, good for working and breeding, and not much else. I don't know.  
  
Kodachi is a loon, plain and simple. She becomes infatuated with any halfway attractive guy who can keep up with her. She's just like her brother, too stupid or too blind to see that her "Ranma-sama" and the pigtailed girl are one and the same.  
  
And that brings us to...Me. The cute one. Ranch- no, iRanma's /ichildhood friend. When we met, he thought I was a boy. We played together, sparred together, ate together...I even camped with him and his father. I was so happy when 'tou-san told me that I was going to go and live with Ranchan and his father. I didn't really understand the concept of engagement, but traveling with them seemed like an endless camping trip.  
  
And then they ran off on me. Otou-san was so angry...That;s when he started training me seriously. He said that I'd have to become good enough to beat Genma someday, and restore our reputation. And I swore that I'd make Ranma pay, too; he'd pay for running away after he'd promised that we'd be friends forever.  
  
So I trained. And I traveled. I perfected my art, and I searched for the two Saotomes. The two deserters.  
  
And I found them. Ten years, ten angry, lonely, hateful years later, I found them. Found him. I defeated Genma...It was easy, he'd gotten old, and soft, and my skills had improved, while his had stayed the same. I was fueled by my anger, given strength by hatred. I defeated Genma...  
  
And I was defeated. Not by blows, not by special techniques...By five simple words, I was laid low. Ten years of training, of anger, of burning hatred, ten years of remembering his betrayal—all for nothing. Five words, and, like the sneak he was, he crept back into my heart.  
  
"A cute girl like you..."  
  
It rings in my head, taunting me. Mocking me. And suddenly, there was no Saotome. There was no Kuonji. There was only Ucchan and Ranchan, and nothing had changed.  
  
Except, everything had changed. We weren't children anymore, and this wasn't his father's campsite on a sunny summer afternoon. We weren't best friends. This was Nerima, and we were all grown up, and he barely remembered me.  
  
But he would, in time. And he would make good the promise his father had run out on. They'd taken the dowry; he had no choice. So I settled down to wait. I opened the Ucchans' and started attending Furinkan. I got used to the craziness that surrounded Ranchan. And I fell in love.  
  
And he rejected me. Not outright, perhaps, but he did. Continuously. Every time he rushed to Akane's aid, teased her about her cooking and her figure, walked home with her, protected her, smiled at her...Loved her. Every time he ignored me in favor of starting another fight with her, he rejected me.  
  
And I got used to it. I got used to thinking iNext time. Next time, he'll notice me. Next time, it'll be her who he ignores. i/ Next time never came. But I kept hoping. I kept feeding him, smiling at him, joking with him, letting him treat me like "one of the guys."  
  
Looking back now, I can see how pathetic I was. I guess love affects people in different ways. It made Akane succumb to occasional fits of femininity. It made Ranma tease and annoy. It made Shampoo try to kill us, and it made Mousse try to kill Ranma. And it made me drop my guard.  
  
And, ultimately, love killed me. I knew it the moment he entered the Ucchans' today. After weeks, months of avoiding me, ignoring me, outright rejecting me, he came in here. But he wasn't Ranchan and I wasn't Ucchan. And yet, there was no Saotome, no Kuonji. I knew, though, after that stunt I pulled at his wedding, there would never be any Saotome Ukyo, either.  
  
I knew he was already lost to me. His words were just the final blow. I don't know how he'll ever be able to forgive me. I don't know how he was even able to speak civilly to me, but he managed. He managed to look me right in the eye as he ripped my heart from my chest and squashed it flat. He even hugged me. He wants to be friends again, someday. I don't know how he can ever forgive me.  
  
He invited me to their wedding. I don't know if I'll go. I don't know if I can. I don't know if the invitation was even sincere. But I think he'll understand if I can't make it. I'll send them a nice gift.  
  
After he left, I put up the shop, and told Konatsu to leave. He understood. He always understands. I know he loves me. I don't want to hurt him. I told him, before he went, that I didn't love him. Couldn't love him. I really hope he comes back; he's the only friend I have left.  
  
Now I'm lying here in bed, watching the lights from the street make patterns on the ceiling and reflecting on where I am, where I've been, and where I can possibly go from here. There are a lot of possibilities. I could leave. Go back home, or somewhere else. America, maybe. Get on with my life, and my business.  
  
Or I could stay. I could make amends, slowly. It would take time, and a lot of pain and hard work, but I'm no stranger to either of those. I could have friends again. I could even fall in love again.  
  
If I stay. 


End file.
